I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
