Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
