just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
