dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
