no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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