you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I supernannyed him into submission
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
