Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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