I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
