Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
