dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
pray to the hookup gods
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
