Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
