Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
