I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
