Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
