Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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