yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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