The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
