I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
