even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
