Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
