is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
