Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize