I just made out with a guy for $7.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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