It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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