so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
