i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
