There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
