i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
