I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
