Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize