The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
