Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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