My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
