If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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