I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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