I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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