Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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