Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mom said you looked used
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
