He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
