I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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