I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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