got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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