I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You need Xanax blowdarts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
