you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
