well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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