Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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