I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
