I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
