My Higher Power is John Stamos
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
