Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
