i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize