im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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