somebody snuck up and got me drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
