Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
