I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
