He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize