dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
