highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
should my penis look like a turkey
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
