I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
