My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm bleeding and have questions
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
