She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
