Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize