I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
