my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
