What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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