I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
