i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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