you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
