Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize